My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
