Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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