First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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