Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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