nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
