Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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