She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
