I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
