I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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