there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
