Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
