I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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