its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
