I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My balls are so social today.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
