Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
