she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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