Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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