She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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