dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
