I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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