Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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