paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
