she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
