so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
