after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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