well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
