I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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