He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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