its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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