I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
