my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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