yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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