Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
