What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
