Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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