please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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