oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
