i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
