i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
