so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You took a bar mat shot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
