Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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