when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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