I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
