You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
