Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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