Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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