I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
