That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
