apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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