This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
