she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
