I just made out with a guy for $7.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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