he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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