OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
