I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
