She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
