i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
