cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
