I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
