You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
