Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize