if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize