1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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