so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
